Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize