I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
