the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
honey bunches of taint.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
