I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
