I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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