Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
