Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
