i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
