I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
