you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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