Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
nutella sex= disaster
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
