Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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