is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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