Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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