i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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