So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
