I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
