no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I looked at my own cervix.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize