Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
