We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
