like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
