We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
