I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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