My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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