I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
