i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
worst night to have a conscience
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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