recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
