He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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