Pappa wants mamma naked
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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