your parents love me but you hate me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He did a backflip because drugs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
