I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
