Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
