Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
