i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
