I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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