dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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