do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
