It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
