so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
