My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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