If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
