I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
