if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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