sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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