Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
