She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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