i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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