I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
