ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
