yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
