I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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