How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
