If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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