I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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