my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
