Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
