I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
