I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
