This house was built for laser tag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
