how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
