I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
