Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
