I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
