The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
