You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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