True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
