I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
