She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
