I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
