At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
